I’ve moved …

Morning,

I’ve had different blogs set up for different things over the past couple of years but i’ve just merged them all in to one, over HERE 

I mean, I have no idea what i’m doing or what i’m trying to achieve by blogging so that’s why i’d kept them all separate from each other but to be honest, now i’m just going to embrace the mess and the chaos and throw them all in one place. Not sure if that’s the correct ‘blogging etiquette’ but buggar it 🙈

I hope some of you will follow me across there and continue to read my posts, but if not then well, thank you so much for your support on this one 💖

Bye for now. Over and out.

xxx

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Audley End House & Gardens – PHOTOS

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As the most spectacular, magnificent gift i’ve ever had in my life, I got a Nikon D5300 camera for my 30th Birthday last year – y’know, just to take a little bit of the edge off turning 30 when you still have the soul of an 18 year old (CRY HAHA)

As per my previous posts – A Magical dreamy fairy tale land & My Camera & My Anxiety I am in absolutely no way whatsoever a pro, nor do I claim to be, but my camera and taking photos really helps me to de-stress and clear my mind whilst also giving me a focus for those days where I’m just what I like to call ‘floaty’ and not belonging. I take photographs for myself to help with that.

I have just booked myself on a beginner’s course in September but I spent a little while last week trying to educate myself at home with the help of cheat sheets on Pinterest and a lot of fiddling around with the settings on my camera, often wanting to lob it out the window from frustration! (I’ve calmed myself now – promise 😜) Up until now i’d just been using the Auto setting and not being very experimental and slightly borderline boring and safe but this weekend I wanted to test out what i’d attempted to teach myself so I dived in to the big, wide, every so slightly scary world of ‘MANUAL’ setting on my camera and i’m fairly pleased with the results so wanted to share them with you.

I visited Audley End House & Gardens near Saffron Walden on the border of Essex & Cambridgeshire. The house was closed for filming but I managed to take a walk around the gardens and the pond areas and have a little nosey at all the beautiful flowers. Absolutely spectacular place if you can go along for the visit. There was live music on the grounds yesterday too so that was nice.

 

If anyone knows of anywhere around Cambridgeshire / Hertfordshire way that I could visit next, please do let me know.

Any critiques welcome, but please remember I am an absolute beginner, less than a beginner in fact.

Thank you for reading 😘

Most Listened to Albums MONTH 1.

I listen to such a strange mix of music and anyone who listens at my Spotify Playlist would be a whole new level of confused! But I love that! I wanted to start sharing some of the music I listen to with you. I love it when I get a new recommendation or a reminder of a kick-ass song so hopefully some of my readers will get the same!

Month 1 starts here then and it’s a right random mix because I downloaded so many albums before I went on holiday, but here are my most listened for June/July…

 

 

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TLC – Fanmail

This takes me alllllllllll the way back to my Year 8 School Trip to France. I remember my best friend Becky had just bought this album and we listened to it together for the first time on the ferry with one earphone each and getting all giggly when ‘Silly Ho’ came on, and proper tearful at ‘Dear Lie’. Those were the days! This was the perfect ‘lazing about on the beach and reminiscing’ soundtrack!

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Macklemore – This Unruly Mess I’ve Made

I’ve always been keen on Macklemore’s chart stuff – especially ‘Same Love’ which  touches me a silly amount, so I downloaded 3 of his albums before I went away and this one was the one I found myself most drawn to. The songs I mostly had on repeat were ‘Growing Up’ with Ed Sheeran – The lyrics are insanely inspirational and ‘Downtown’ which just makes me LOL.

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Arctic Monkeys – AM

This is the album that owns my heart and soul. It’s just perfect. Arctic Monkeys to me are always gonna be the band i’m most eagerly awaiting new stuff on and then ripping the cover off and spending the evening doing nothing but listening intently to it when it arrives. There’s not one song on any of their albums or EPs that doesn’t stir up some kind of crazy emotion within me. This album came out when I most needed and it was there again on holiday when I needed clarity, which some of these songs give me. Favourites – ‘Arabella’, ‘I wanna be yours’ and ‘Snap out of it’

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Kanye West – The College Dropout

‘New Workout Plan’ and ‘Through The Wire’ is all I have to say. Oh, and ‘Slow Jamz’ – That’s the first ever Kanye song I heard and I was in love from there. Yeah the guy’s kind of a dick sometimes but can’t deny he makes the most intense music and it is pretty powerful in my eyes. If it makes me feel things then it must be, right? This album just flows right from beginning to end. Spent most my time around the pool listening to this and hear something new and even better every time I put it on.

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Bloc Party – Silent Alarm

‘This Modern Love’ on this album is one of my favourite ever ever ever songs and so I felt I should give Bloc Party a chance as i’ve heard their music before but never actually listened, if that makes sense? Well, MIND. BLOWN. This is the first album I listened to out of 3 that i’ve downloaded and I really don’t know why i’ve never listened sooner. It’s so relevant. ‘Helicopter’ and ‘Blue Light’ are 2 of my new faves on repeat.

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DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince ‎– Greatest Hits

What an absolute cracker of an album for this hot sunny weather we’ve been having. I KNEW I had to have this one on  holiday with me as it’s by perfect ‘feel good’ album for when i’m feeling a bit silly and giddy ahaaa!! I remember picking this CD up from a HMV bargain bucket when I was like, 14 and being so obsessed with it I now know every single word to all the songs, 17 years on (I’m that geek). My most LOL worthy are ‘Parents just don’t understand’ and ‘Girls ain’t nothing but Trouble’. GET IT.

 

 

Drop me a comment with your most listened to too! 😘

 

Nobody cares what you look like in a Bikini

I just got back from the most wonderful holiday in C’an Picafort, Majorca so heyyyy!

This was my first holiday since gaining almost 4 stone. I am used to wearing the smallest tiniest shorts and crop tops and flaunting my small frame – packing only the minimal because I could. This time, I found myself shopping for the clothes that would best cover up my wobbly bits and the bikini tops that would cover up my back boobs. I spent so long before hand fretting about what people would think of me. Not being the skinniest girl on the beach with a tight butt and well toned calves was a pretty terrifying thought (as self-centred as that sounds) and if i’m honest, being the weight I am almost put me off ever booking a holiday in the first place. But the one thing I learnt and realised while I was there is…

 

Nobody cares what you look like in your bikini. No-one. Not a single person.

 

YOU are beautiful in every single way and so is your body – the same body that carries you around and keeps going every single day so that you can live your life and enjoy every moment. That body that carried and nourished your baby so that they were healthy when they entered the big wide world. The same body that even when you want to give up and feel like you can’t go on, continues to pump bloody and oxygen around to keep you going. The body that never gives up on you.

So, be proud of what you got or haven’t got (in my case 😂), get your teeny weeny ‘kinis on and go own it like the badass chick that you are! 😜😜😜

Educating Carly

The latter part of 2017 and 2018 onward is going to be dedicated solely to learning, educating myself and picking up new skills.

I feel as a 30 year old (31 in 5 days OMG) I should be way more knowledgeable than I am right now at this stage in my life. I feel like I totally rushed in to work because I just wanted money to go and get pissed with my friends, but on that journey I missed out on so many opportunities and I regret it. I’ve only recently felt like i’m ready to learn again. I’ve matured a lot, my mind is now calmer than it has been for a long time and I can afford to pay my college fees. I also feel I have a lot of creativity stuck inside of me that is hammering on my insides for me to let it out, but I just don’t know how. So I want to learn.

I want to learn art – I want to learn all about modern art. I am fascinated by it and I could spend hours in galleries looking at people’s creations and trying to decipher it and pull some meaning from it (I probs actually should do this once in a while – instead I just stare at it on my phone screen – d’oh). I would spend hours and hours and hours on end drawing and painting and making things when I was little and there was nothing else I wanted to do other than become an artist in some form. I feel i’ve lost that passion somewhere along the way and i’m just starting to get it back.

I already love taking photos but I want to learn how to take them properly so that one day I may actually be able to actually make some kind of a living out of it and use it as my excuse to travel the world 😉 I’ve just booked myself on to a beginner’s course at my local college so starting in September I will be learning all the basics and then hopefully go on to do an actual course to gain a qualification and start building up my collection of lenses and equipment etc.

Music is life. It is everrrrrything to me and honestly if I didn’t have music then I don’t think I would have got through majority of the hard times i’ve got through. One time I remember it carrying me through and thinking ‘Shit, what if this wasn’t helping me? How much of a mess would I be?’ is just after my Mum had her stroke. I was doing so much travelling to the hospital and back every day 80 mile round trips so I done a lot of listening to music in my car. I want to learn about it – I want to learn about songwriting and how it all works. From getting the thoughts out of your head and on to paper to the very final production and potentially creating something that can help someone get through the shittest times like it’s helped me.

Pyschology. I can’t listen to someone rant and moan and cry and talk to me or watch their behaviour without analysing the crap out of it. I mean, why do I even do that? Does everybody do that? I need to put that to some use and I want to help someone whether it be your average person like me, or a criminal, or an alcoholic. I want to help them to be able to take the first steps towards making their life happier and the world a better place for them to live in, in their heads. I’ve booked myself on to a ‘Introduction to Counselling’ course starting in September too so that’s going to be interesting.

 

I’m so excited to learn. Literally, can’t wait! So much to do and so many things to be learnt and I am ready and motivated and buzzing to give it my all!  Bring it onnnn, I say!!!! 😀

A magical dreamy fairy tale land

Last Saturday I was feeling bleuuuurgh, so I took my ass and my camera, got in my car and drove to Shuttleworth for a little walk around the Swiss Gardens there. This place was truly magical, I felt like Alice in Wonderland expecting a rabbit to pop out on me any minute! I would totally recommend […]

Last Saturday I was feeling bleuuuurgh, so I took my ass and my camera, got in my car and drove to Shuttleworth for a little walk around the Swiss Gardens there. This place was truly magical, I felt like Alice in Wonderland expecting a rabbit to pop out on me any minute! I would totally recommend this place to anybody wanting to escape their own head for a few hours.

I got some beautiful snaps I was really happy with so here you go – They’re too pretty not to share with anyone else. As stated before, I’m not a pro, I still haven’t learnt how to use all the settings on my camera but I like to capture things that remind me of a place and a time that made me happy and that’s more what it’s about for me – to remind me of that feeling.

The foxgloves were spectacular! So many of them in so many beautiful colours in such a variety of different shades and vibrancy… 

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The ponds located in the grounds are ever so calming and peaceful and I was able to escape every thought in my head whilst I sat on the dock just watching the water ripple so softly in the breeze…

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Such a gorgeous range of fairy tile inspired flowers and some i’ve never seen anywhere before. Imagine a hot summer’s day, walking around a twisty, windy, bendy garden and seeing a new colour and something that tops the beauty of the last flower you’ve just seen around every turn. It’s just breathtaking!…

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There are 13 listed structures around the site and they are all as intriguing as each other. You really do feel like you’re back in the Regency Era when it was created… 

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Invisible me.

Have you ever felt so invisible to everyone? So irrelevant and just kind of there, but not important to anybody. When you feel like you have absolutely no purpose other than to be called on when someone needs a favour? – The rest of the time they forget that you exist, and they forget that you feel feelings and emotions like they do, and that you are not a robot?!

I feel like this often – more often than not. It’s not so bad sometimes, I can tell myself I’m over-reacting and this is just my mind playing tricks on me. But other times, I know that this feeling is real and it’s true because I look at the facts.

I have people in my life who I would drop anything for to help them out, completely selflessly – I never ask for anything in return or don’t expect them to praise me, I just want people to be OK. I will re-arrange plans, book time off work with my precious 17 whole days of holiday, cancel my much needed relaxing night in to be there for them, lend money, go out drinking with them, be their friend, listen to them moan for 6 hours non-stop about the same dead-beat twat of a bloke but refrain from telling them how much of an arse I think he is and letting loose. I’d take a punch square in the face for these people but I wonder how many people in my life would actually do the same for me? I mean, most of them won’t even reply to a text, let alone spend any time with me that’s not convenient for them!!

Today, someone who I barely know recognised that I was probably not OK, but asked me anyway. For a second I was shocked that someone even noticed me, that someone was even able to get out of their own self-obsessed bubble that we all live in sometimes and recognise that I needed someone to be there for me, and it literally brought me to tears because… 1. I realised what a sad mess I probably look like to the rest of the general population and 2. I realised some people do care.

Today, I felt like someone and not just a number. And that person who asked me if I’m OK will have absolutely no idea of the little bit of hope they’ve just given me.